Goals

I had some more Amanda time on Friday night, and my plan instead of reading my book (as I usually do) was to work on a list of life goals. The Palmer family often refers to this as a "100 list," meaning coming up with 100 things you'd like to accomplish. While 100 is a good goal, I didn't want to feel pressured to get that many or like I had to limit myself, so I just decided to list as many as I could come up with. This was a really "interesting" experience for me. I sat here for a long time trying to think of a word other than interesting...but nothing quite seemed to describe it adequately, so we'll leave interesting for now.

So I first wrote down some of the things that I have already accomplished that I knew I wanted to - graduate high school, graduate college, get married in the temple, travel to Europe, etc. Then a few that are in progress, like having children. And then I just sat there, staring at the paper, staring at the other people in the cafe, and staring at my cake, which arrived while I was in the midst of deep thought.

I was trying to put this list into some sort of framework, and what I was thinking at first (after writing down those things I'd already done), was what I'd regret not doing if I were to die. And I couldn't think of anything...literally. It was a mix of a really good feeling and a really scary feeling. Good because it made me realize that I'm happy with what I've already done, and I'm not desperately aching to make sure I do something in particular or I'll have big regrets. BUT it also made me feel kind of like...wow do I really not have any other ambitions? Is there really nothing else I want to do? But then I realized I was just thinking about it too dramatically.

Once I started thinking about it in terms of what I'd "like" to do, things that aren't essential, but that I hope to do...ideas came a lot more quickly. So then I wrote them down and today I spent far too much of the day creating a computerized version with different sections and photos and it's just wonderful. I look forward to updating it. Nathan's mom has one on her website, but I'm not sure I want it on the web just yet. We'll see. And I need to look back through some books I have and come up with some more travel goals - right now they're kind of vague...but that is also a good feeling...like I got to go to Europe, and I've been to Hawaii...I just would like to go and visit National Parks around the country. Probably other places, which is why I need to look in a book! And Nathan needs to share his goals with me so I can steal his, too. Having goals written down and accomplishments recorded - it's cool because it becomes your own personal history, just gotta make sure it gets printed out or saved somewhere fairly permanent so it doesn't get lost.

Anyway, Joshua is doing very well - he's very excited for his best buddy's birthday party on Saturday! She's almost exactly 2 months older than him - pretty crazy that we'll be celebrating the big number one in just TWO MONTHS! I was just having a conversation today about whether or not it's gone fast or slow...and I think it hasn't gone fast, but those early incredibly difficult months have all become a blur and it's hard to remember when it was so hard to give him a bath, or when nursing was so painful it made me cry, or when I was functioning on about 20 hours of sleep per week. I think that is chemical, though...nature's way of making sure we keep on having babies. Strange thoughts come into my head that CANNOT be from my own doing, such as, "I miss being pregnant - that was so fun" (It was rarely "fun" and I don't miss it, though I'll certainly do it again), or when driving by the hospital, "I really had a good time there." That's life, though, right?

Joshy got his second flu shot late this afternoon, so we're hoping that it will go over better than the first one (babies have to get one and then a second one a month later) because last time he had one he got a really high fever and threw up all over his daddy. Yuck.

I love that baby - he's such a good baby. We're very blessed to have such a great little guy.